Monday, December 17, 2007

Panic attack waiting to happen...

Hello. My name is Charly and I've never been on a plane....EVER!
Ya'll need to watch the nightly news on December 22nd. This is what you might hear and see.....

Dec. 22-Any Major News Network,
"A young (hee, hee!) newlywed on her way to NYC with her husband for their honeymoon, went a little crazy while in transit from Kansas to New York City." More on this story from our reporter, Bertha Lou.
"It was her first time to fly and she thought she could handle it without the help of liquor, drugs or being knocked out, but she was wrong.
Airline Stewardess #1 recalls seeing this woman sweating bullets. "She was all pale and she looked really sick. She kept telling people this was her first time to fly. I was worried about her, so I offered a little bottle of vodka and a barf bag. I thought it would help!"
Her husband thought she would be fine, but then they came over the intercom saying there was turbulence. "She just freaked, saying she was going to die and something about us not growing old together and children playing in the backyard. I really wanted to slap some sense into her but I resisted."
After much disturbance and the young lady scaring all the children and some grown men on the plane, the pilot decided the best thing would be to finish the flight to Dallas (our layover on the way to NYC???Why Dallas? That's South and we are going North!) and not allow the lady to finish the flight to NYC.
The young lady's response, "Oh thank God I don't have to get back on that flying death trap. I've always wanted to honeymoon in Dallas, who need NYC when you have Dallas!" She has now been banned from flying on any airline for the next 80 years.
On a side note: her husband left her butt behind in Texas and enjoyed his honeymoon in NYC.

So....can you tell I'm very anxious about this flying bit. I have faith in myself that I will set my brain to a mode of peace by Saturday, but hmmm...turbulence, delays, de-icing. I'll freak! Hell, I get nervous seeing airplanes fly above my apartment.
I'm seeking out advice from some seasoned travelers (Jessica) or actually any advice will be much appreciated. Help this poor flat lander who does not want to be airborne.


Daisy said...

I was the same way the first time I flew--Thanksgiving break of 2003. I still don't LIKE to fly, but once you do it, you realize how fast it is (of course, that was before all the delays and cancellations). You're going to be fine... I promise. Get a Sprite and some pretzels right away, just in case it's weird on your tummy. And for some reason, it's easier for me to sit at the window so I can still see the ground. I freak a little more when they get above the clouds and I feel like I'm floating in nothing. Chances are, you won't have much turbulence. And as far as ice... yeah... I've never flown during those conditions--haha! Oh, and you're going through Dallas because it's a major hub. It's always either Dallas, Denver, Chicago, or Atlanta (maybe a couple of others). See, if you were here in good ol' Northwest Ar-Kansas, you could've got a direct flight and skipped the layover B.S. Of course, you also would have been flying in a mini-plane that feels like it runs on rubber bands. Bigger is better when it comes to flying machines!

You will be fine. Just concentrate on your breathing and calmness. Don't get drunk before you go... it'll just make it worse. And I PROMISE you, the flight home will be much better than the one going there because you'll know what to expect. But if it is horribly traumatic, you can always Greyhound it home--now THAT is scary!

not so zen momma said...

I'm so proud of you Charly. Just think about all the cool shopping and coming home to brag to us that you got to see Wicked in NYC!

Just call me Vic said...

You will do fine!
Just remember the following things:
1) Your seat will can be used as a flotation device if you crash land in the ocean. Not that you should go anywhere near an ocean, but you are going to Dallas on your way to NYC so you never know.
2) Brady will be there to hold your hand as you take off and land. He can think of this as training for when you have a kid and will break his hand during labor.
3) If you are really panicking a fun way to get your mind off of this is to join the “Mile High Club”. Now it is encouraged that you only join this club with your hubby! Besides the cute airline steward is probably gay anyways so no use trying to get him to do shots with you.
4) If there is turbulence just close your eyes and pretend that you are in a massage chair and that is why you are rocking around so much.
5) If the air masks drop from the ceiling you only need one! Stealing Brady’s or other passengers will just cause embarrassment when you have to collect your luggage.
6) If the airline loses your luggage, however tempting it may be, climbing onto the center of the carousel and yelling “Nobody goes anywhere until I get my luggage” is not the proper way to find lost luggage. Airport security is mean and you don’t want black eyes in all your honeymoon photos!
7) Last but not least, remember that you have a ton of family and friends who will be thinking about you and praying for you and Brady’s safety so you will do just fine.
Have a blast!!!

Charly said...

Brooke, I'm sad to say that we won't be seeing Wicked in NYC. By the time we went to order tickets they were sold out. :( We are going to the Radio City Holiday Extravaganza. You know with the Rockettes (sp?) and all. We are going Christmas day, so it should be fun. I AM GOING to see Wicked in Kansas City in May. The tickets go on sale in Feb.